From Anonymous, 6 Months ago, written in Plain Text.
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  10. by Louise C on 2004 Nov 25 - 06:20 | reply to this comment
  11. Reality Check from an Experienced Husband
  12. In reply to "Reality Check": I can speak from the experience of a long-term happy marriage.
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  14. My wife and I have been married for 22 years and have been living together for 25. It was only about five years ago that we reached a point where we could be comfortable with the kind of fear and dominance that DeeMarie describes.
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  16. Ironically, it took about 17 years of marriage before she began to develop (or perhaps discover) her need to be dominated and to be just a little afraid of me.
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  18. For the first couple of decades, my wife needed to be my equal and was uncomfortable with me dominating her, either physically or emotionally. Then, for reasons that are unique to us, she gradually crossed a threshold of bonding and deep trust that allowed her to slowly drop her guard to the point where she now wants to sometimes be afraid of me and feel me use my strength on her.
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  20. We have grown into a place where she needs me to be dominant most of the time and, in return, she can be dominant on those occasions when I need it.
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  22. BTW: There is nothing magical about 17 years, except for us. Her father died when she was sixteen. When she and I had been married for 17 years, I crossed the age that her father had been when he died. Without either of us realizing it (except in retrospect) she was then able to trust that I wasn't going to die and abandon her.
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